Alexis giggled as they stood in Megan’s bedroom.
“What is it?” Megan asked.
“Um, why are you wearing panty hose?” Alexis asked.
“I don’t know,” Megan said as she shrugged her shoulders.
“Are you eighty-five years old?” Alexis asked, trying to hold back her laughter.
“Are you a cast member of the golden girls?”
Megan shook her head no.
“Ok, then,” Alexis said as she stood up from the bed and looked into Megan’s eyes to stress her point to the utmost urgency. “You need to peel those off of your body right now so that we can get serious and pick out the dress for your date tonight.”
Megan looked down at her panty hose. “Really, no?”
“Jesus Christ, I know you are old, and the last date you went on was probably with Moses, but c’mon, now.” Alexis shook her head in disappointment.
“Haha, sixty is the new fifty, right?” Megan smiled.
“Not in your case if you’re wearing those. Fifty may as well be the new eighty.” Alexis and Megan both laughed.
“Ok, I know,” Megan said as she pulled her hair back. “It’s just been a while since I’ve been on a date and I don’t know what I’m doing.”
“That’s why I’m here. I’m your hip, forty…. errrr something friend to help you not do things like wear panty hose on a date.”
“Yes, that could have been a disaster.”
“Way of a disaster,” Alexis said as she nodded in agreement with her friend. “What if things got…you know…tonight?”
“Got what?” Megan asked innocently.
“Intimate.” Alexis whispered as if she was passing a note in class.
“Oh my, what? Intimate? Are you joking? On the first date, no.” Megan threw her hands up and went back into her walk-in closet to hide from this discussion.
“You know, it happens.” Alexis said.
“Not to me.” Megan came back into the bedroom. “And Jimmy isn’t like that.”
Alexis laughed. “Yeah, Sean wasn’t like that either, but somehow Ethan was born nine months later.”
“Well, the shipped has sailed on getting pregnant so that’s a non-starter.”
“Um, you do know about STDs, right?” Alexis asked. “I heard on the radio one out of four people have some sort of STD.”
“One out of four?!” Megan exclaimed.
“One out of four,” Alexis repeated in a serious, after school special tone. “Anyways, in order to avoid you becoming another sad, STD statistic, do you have condoms just in case Jimmy turns into a Sean tonight?”
“No!” Megan said louder than she or Alexis had been prepared for.
“Ok, ok. Sorry. I just want you to be safe.”
“No need for that. He’s lucky if he gets a peck on the cheek after he walks me to the door tonight.” Megan smiled thinking of that moment and started to blush.
“Ok, well, that’s a lovely end to a magical Hallmark movie, but I am just trying to prepare you for the real world.”
“I appreciate it,” Megan said. “But just because the world has changed, doesn’t mean I have changed.”
Alexis laughed. “Hmmm, I don’t know how to respond to that.”
Alexis moved off the subject and back to working on getting Megan dressed for her date. Megan finally agreed to peel the panty hose off of her body, and Alexis finally agreed that Megan could wear the light green dress with the flats rather than the heels.
The doorbell rang and Alexis ran to greet Jimmy while Megan delicately sprayed the air with perfume and walked through it to get a hint of the sweet scent on her.
Alexis opened the door and Jimmy was standing there in a freshly pressed blue suite, grey hair slicked back, and flowers in hand. Alexis thought to herself, maybe they are in a hallmark movie.
Alexis and Jimmy exchanged pleasantries as they waited in the living room. Megan walked into the room and Alexis noticed Jimmy immediately pulled back his shoulders to stand straighter and grinned one of the largest grins she had ever seen in her life.
“You look lovely tonight, Megan,” Jimmy said as he gently handed the bouquet of mixed flowers to her.
“Oh, thank you, Jimmy. You look so nice too.” Megan beamed. Alexis took the flowers from Megan and told them to have a wonderful evening. Jimmy opened the door for Megan and said goodnight to Alexis as he shut the door.
“I think that is one of the sweetest things I have ever seen,” Alexis said to herself. “But, I’m still glad I snuck those condoms in Megan’s purse. Alexis laughed to herself wishing she could see the look on Megan’s face when Megan goes to open her purse to re-apply her lipstick later and finds three jumbo size condoms stuffed in there with a note that reads, ‘in case you change your mind after dinner xoxo, A.’